The Past, Present, and Future

The Past: Last Week.

This last week I have discovered very little of myself; however, I didn't really search for myself either. It's a scary war-zone inside my head...a battle between child-Gwen and logical, adult-Gwen. I usually evade that place, therefore allowing child-Gwen run of the house.

The Present: Today.

I skipped breakfast because I was running out the door to go to church. I don't usually skip breakfast because it is usually my favorite meal of the day, but I had to. Unfortunately, when I skip breakfast, or have a light breakfast, I tend to have an extremely difficult time keeping the munchies away the rest of the day once I start eating. That happened today. When I eat something bad like chocolate chocolate chip cake, the thing that makes it bad for me ends up being my portions. I CANNOT stop. My logical/reasoning side of my brain literally turns off and I become a rebellious two-year-old who steals wayyy more cookies than she can eat and hides under the kitchen table to scarf them down. The only difference between that two-year-old and me is that I no longer have to hide and it's not fun. It's still tasty, but not fun because I am out of control. Quite literally.

The Future: Next Week.

My goal for this week is to have my eye on much smaller, more easily attainable goals than the "lose 100lbs in a year" goal. Craziness! Instead, my goal for this week is to set a daily goal. The hope is that as I do this throughout the week, I will learn what is reasonable to ask of myself and what may be a little too much at this point. On top of this, I really hope to start to discover (psychologically and spiritually) why I am stuck at this point in my life. Soooooo, my goal for tomorrow: Be honest with myself - write down everything I eat. Don't censor, don't try to fix along the way, just be honest and notice.

Well, we'll see how this goes. I'll try to report back to you each night, but I can't promise...I am not so great at keeping promises that involve creating a habit I have not yet made! :oP